Who Said That . . .

Newcastle Herald

Monday September 29, 2008

Golf can be a frustrating

game, and its given life

to some great quotes

over the years. Heres 20

to work into your next

golfing conversation.

Im not feeling very well,

I need a doctor immediately.

Ring the nearest golf course.

- GROUCHO MARX

Ive spent most of my life

golfing - the rest Ive

just wasted.

- AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Fifty years ago, 100 white

men chasing one black man across

a field was called the Ku Klux Klan.

Today its called the PGA tour.

- ATTRIBUTED TO ALEX HAY

They call it golf because

all of the other four-letter

words were taken.

- RAY FLOYD

Golf is a game in which you

yell Fore!, shoot six, and

write down five.

- PAUL HARVEY

He who has the fastest golf

cart never has a bad lie.

- MICKEY MANTLE

Its good sportsmanship not

to pick up lost golf balls

while they are still rolling.

- MARK TWAIN

I have a tip that can take five

strokes off anyones game:

its called an eraser.

- ARNOLD PALMER

Golf appeals to the idiot in

us and the child. Just how

childlike golf players become

is proven by their frequent

inability to count past five.

- JOHN UPDIKE

Golf and

sex are the only

things you can

enjoy without

being good

at them.

- JIMMY DEMARET

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

- MARK TWAIN

Golf is so popular simply

because it is the best game in

the world at which to be bad.

- AA MILNE

Hockey is a sport for white

men. Basketball is a sport for

black men. Golf is a sport for

white men dressed like

black pimps.

- TIGER WOODS

Golf is like an 18-year-old

girl with big boobs. You know

its wrong but you cant

keep away from her.

- VAL DOONICAN

Golf is like a love affair. If you

dont take it seriously, its no fun;

if you do take it seriously,

it breaks your heart.

- ARTHUR DALEY

They say golf is like life, but

dont believe them. Golf is

more complicated than that.

- GARDNER DICKINSON

If you drink, dont drive.

Dont even putt.

- DEAN MARTIN

Golf, like the measles, should

be caught young, for, if

postponed to riper years,

the results may be serious.

- PG WODEHOUSE

Actually, the only time I ever

took out a one iron was to

kill a tarantula. And it took

seven to do that.

- JIM MURRAY

These greens are so fast

I have to hold my putter

over the ball and

hit it with the shadow.

- SAM SNEAD

Trevinos tops

The Merry Mex, Lee Trevino, one

of the worlds great golfers and

a multiple US, British Open and

PGA winner, is remembered as

much for his classic one-liners as

his golf. Heres some of his best.

Columbus went around the

world in 1492. That isnt a lot

of strokes when you consider

the course.

If you are caught on a golf

course during a storm and are

afraid of lightning, hold up a

one iron. Not even God

can hit a one iron.

You can talk to a fade but a

hook wont listen.

My swing is so bad

I look like a caveman

killing his lunch.

There are two things you

can do with your head down

- play golf and pray.

© 2008 Newcastle Herald

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